Metal Story

Nu, nu ma pot abtine. E vorba de o printesa (nu de Bamboo, sper) tinuta prizoniera de un dragon fioros. Situatiile difera in functie de metalist.
Tu din ce categorie faci parte?

HEAVY METAL:

The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.



THRASH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.



POWER METAL:

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.



FOLK METAL:

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave… without the princess.



VIKING METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.



DEATH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, fucks her again, then leaves.



BLACK METAL:

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, and drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.



GORE METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads its guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.



DOOM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That’s the end of the sad story.



PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives at the princess’s bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year at the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the “HEAVY METAL” protagonist.



GLAM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess’ make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.



NU METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.



GRINDCORE:

The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves.



INDUSTRIAL METAL:

The protagonist arrives wearing a greasy overcoat, makes obscene gestures towards the dragon and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.



EMOCORE:

The protagonist's mother drives the protagonist and his friends to the castle. He kills the dragon with some awesome arm-spinning and spin-kicking while his friends observe the scene with their arms crossed; then the princess laughs at the protagonists ridiculous hairstyle and the boys leave weeping.



PORNO GRIND:

The Protagonist arrives at the castle without any clothes on and grunts loudly for a few minutes. Then he fucks the dragon in every body cavity it has, kills the dragon, fucks the carcass the same way again, grunts loudly again for a few minutes, grabs the princess and fucks her in every body cavity she has, kills her and fucks her in the same way again. Then he piles up the dragon’s and princess’s remains, fucks them in every body cavity they have, grunts loudly and screams senselessly for a few minutes. Then he leaves.



POP ROCK:

The protagonist arrives in a limo. The dragon lets them in as long as they sign an autograph for its mom who is a big fan. The protagonist leaves with the princess and they get married.



GOTHIC METAL:

The protagonist arrives along with a cold wind of winter in the middle of the night, frustrates the heck out of the dragon until it dies of fear and desolation, comes to the princess and discusses how to clean make- ups without inflicting skin irritation.



METALCORE:

The protagonist swings his feet and arms about wildly, accidentally knocking the dragon out. Then he storms off in anger that someone messed up his dance routine.



PROGRESSIVE DEATH-FUSION:

The protagonist arrives at the castle aback his transvestite Soundwave replica and executes a blinding flurry of light-speed punches and kicks in time signatures the dragon cannot predict, killing it. Only seconds after her rescue, the princess is deserted by the protagonist who leaves to go record solos for a Konkhra album. Thre princess jumps out the tower window to her death out of sheer impatience; the protagonist holds Pestilence accountable.



HARDCORE:

The guy starts doing some agressive mosh pit, with the arms, like hitting somone in the floor. Then the dragon arrives to him and he hit it with a punch. He kills the dragon with that, then he goes to the princess room and he jumps into the bed and start hitting her. "Yeah girl, in mosh pit we hit people that's in the floor".

sursa necunoscuta (nu-mi mai amintesc de unde am preluat)

Rezolutii pentru Martie

1. nu mananc carne- experimentez si protestez in acelasi timp. incearca si tu
2. ma apuc serios de Pilates- vedea-m-as
3. nu o sa mai am discutii in contradictoriu care sa depaseasca 3 minute. Dupa alea 3 minute, o sa-i dau interlocutorului dreptate, chiar daca eu am- am prostul obicei de a incepe certuri din amuzament. pare-mi-se ca pentru celalalt nu e la fel de amuzant. am avut nevoie de 3 ani ca sa trag linie.
4. nu depasesc 2 beri cand mai ies- din motivul de mai sus
5. ma apuc serios de scris- AM ZIS!

Plus: cineva a dat jos papucii care atarnau undeva deasupra strazii Buftea. De ceeee??

Vând urgent sentimente

Pentru ca eu m-am săturat de ele. Simțindu-le, e ca și când m-aș înfrupta din produse expirate. Mi se face greață, și, până într-un anume punct, fac tot posibilul să le evit. Mi-e milă să le arunc, dar mi-e și mai milă să le sigilez și să le așez pe un raft, lânga cutia de amintiri prăfuită.
Conștientizez puținele sentimente care există, însă aș vrea să le îmbin altfel, să simt mai puțină repulsie, să percep altfel extazul, să fiu fericită, și, dacă nu îndrăznesc prea mult, să iubesc cum n-am mai iubit.
Frigul îmi provoacă instantaneu repulsia, dar de mâine nu va mai fi așa. Voi înlocui repulsia. Sau poate o voi înlătura doar. Să simt frigul și atât.
Voi deveni victima factorilor de simț externi. Doar așa mă voi putea detașa de ce e vechi și inutil, dar încă drag, și poate așa mă voi putea adapta noilor sentimente.
Din nou, știu că sunt aceleași, și știu că poate nu voi reuși să mă obișnuiesc, dar atâta vreme cât încerc, nimeni inafară de mine nu mă poate opri.
Eu sunt cel mai mare dușman al meu.

Dorinte de 5 bani

Ultima data am aruncat o moneda intr-o "fantana a dorintelor" dintr-un gest pur simbolic.
Nu am inteles cu adevarat semnificatia fantanii pline de bani marunti nici cand eram mica. Dar acum ma intreb cum functioneaza. Se aplica oare regula meselor de joc din cazinouri, unde pariezi mizand pe sansa reusitei? Poate; dar la alt nivel.
Fantana trebuie sa produca masini, bilete pentru vacante, sentimente, sau chiar sa aduca nenorociri cuiva.
Fantana pare sa functioneze pe principiul rugaciunii- poate sau nu sa fie ascultata. Iar daca se implineste, realizezi ca nu ti-ai dorit ceea ce trebuia, ca dorinta era incompleta, sau ca acum ai nevoie de altceva.